Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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