I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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