I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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