I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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