U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
