just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
