i barfeds in our rink
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
