everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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