I'm laying in your front yard are you home
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
