he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
