i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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