Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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