I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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