I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
