I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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