Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
