Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
