i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
