I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
