tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
