my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
