Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
