dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Randomize
