it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
