woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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