Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
