It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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