The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am naked and annoyed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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