I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
