True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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