never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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