cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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