Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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