Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Randomize
