so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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