I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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