I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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