Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You pole danced in your parka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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