Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
