She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
