I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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