I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
