No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
