What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
