i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
