I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
