Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
