Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
