You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
