so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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