I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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