dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
