imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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