Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
