like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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