did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
