Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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