what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
