I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
