why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
