shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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