she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
