There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
