I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
