Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
