I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have tasted many bathrooms
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
