I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
