Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
