I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
