Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love having hate sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
