I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
