my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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