Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
